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Peace be with you... Another month! It
is hard to believe that October is already here! In Washington, it still feels like July!
(This is not a complaint by any means) For this month’s letter I have
decided (after some prompting of the Holy Spirit) to reflect on the virtue of
forgiveness. I have heard it said many times that the two hardest things to say
to a person are: “I am sorry” and “I forgive you”. I believe it would be safe to say that
each of us can relate – especially when we have been graced with an
understanding of the depths to which forgiveness must go. In my own life, I can
honestly say that it was not until this past month that I have been led to a
more profound understanding of forgiveness; I hope that my thoughts will also
resound in your own hearts, leading you to reflect upon the gift that
forgiveness truly is and the grace that will be bestowed upon us when we are
truly able to forgive. Without going into
detail, I will say that this past summer a deep hurt was inflicted upon my
heart and soul. Because of this incident, I struggled daily with resentment,
frustration, sadness, etc. My once
caring and loving feelings towards this person quickly turned cold and I felt
very detached. I recognized that
yes, I had to allow myself to feel the pain of the hurt inflicted, to
acknowledge it and identify it for what it was – however, what I failed
to recognize was that without true forgiveness this recognition would continue
to manifest itself, growing to become outright resentment of the other. I remember after a month or so had gone
by, having a conversation with Willy (the administrator of the Divine Mercy
Centre); he asked me if I had forgiven the person who had hurt me. I said yes, but that the reality of what
happened could not just be forgotten. He then acknowledged that yes, it is
alright to feel that hurt, but if one says they have forgiven, one must also
let go and forget! At that moment,
I remembered watching a video interview with Mother Teresa, at World Youth Day
2002 in Toronto. One of the clips
dealt with forgiveness and her response was a few simple words: “To
forgive, is to forget”. How hard this challenge is! As a human
with memory, one cannot, like God, simply and truly forget a past hurt; but as
a human, bestowed with God's grace, one can change one's heart and learn to
re-create the past with forgiveness. This aspect of re-creating the past is
something I have just recently been introduced to here at the John Paul II
Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family. In one of my courses, the
Theology of Mary, we have been discussing the importance of Mary's maternal
memory. Within this context we were led to recognize that memory is a way to
recover the past – and not merely in a passive way, but in an active way.
Memory brings us back to a particular time, place and event; in this context,
if it is an event that has caused us pain, we will be able to view it with new
eyes if we allow the fragrance of forgiveness to penetrate the event. For example, before this past month,
anytime I would reflect upon the hurt caused to me this summer, I would be
filled with resentment and frustration, even though I thought I had
forgiven. But after a number of
very powerful prayer experiences in front of Christ, the Blessed Sacrament,
healing began to take shape in my heart and I was led to ponder the true mercy
and forgiveness exercised by Christ.
I then realized that my “forgiveness” was not enough. I had to allow Christ to teach me true
forgiveness. Christ continues to
remember the pain caused by humanity – He bears the wounds on His
Body. However, this remembrance is
not one of anger, but one of love – in, through and by love, He exercised
forgiveness. Thus for myself, I
came to see that I too was being called to allow the love and mercy of Christ
to heal my memory of past hurt, to bring myself with Christ to that point in
time and say, “alright Lord, here we are, please help me to truly
forgive”. In this surrender, I came to see that true forgiveness is love
– it is entering into the selfless love of Christ; it is humbling oneself
even more to recognize that I too was responsible for hurt caused and then to
ask for forgiveness. I cannot even
express how liberating this recognition and action have been in my life. I cannot say that I do not struggle from
time to time, but I can say that because I took time to allow God to open my
heart and mind to what I thought was impossible, I have been graced with entrance
into a deeper realization of His very love for us. I pray that whatever pain you are
suffering, whatever negative experience you have gone through, that you will
experience the love and mercy of Christ calling out to you, encouraging you to
turn to Him in order to know true forgiveness and in this, true peace. God bless you.....Jen
"...in solitude he guides her, He alone, who also
bears in solitude the wound of love" St. John of the
Cross
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