|
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, Last month I shared with you what I have learned in my darkness. Since then, God in His Mercy has allowed His light to shine through my darkness in a powerful way. No matter how long we have walked with Our Lord, He continues to teach the willing heart. Sometimes he who has been on the journey longest may need instruction most, for a false security can set in and, comfortable with one’s knowledge of God’s Love and Mercy, the soul may become lax, which opens the door for any remaining seeds of concupiscence to spring up. This is my story. Oh, I never presumed I’d reached some elevated level of sanctity, but my pride allowed me to feel pretty safe so long as I avoided obvious sins. But, what I did not anticipate, or even notice, was that in my heart there lingered a seed of concupiscence – an attraction toward the world in general and people and things in particular. This attraction led to a flurry of useless activities, which soon caused me to desire prayer less and less. I did not know what was happening; I just found myself in this unholy state of apathy, spiritual indifference and ugly darkness. My poor soul fought valiantly to arise from this condition, while my nature clung to it stubbornly. Praise God for His willing servant Willy who, inspired by the Holy Spirit, directed me to meditate on some passages in a little book put out by the Confraternity of The Precious Blood, called ‘My Daily Bread’. There it was right beside the phone as we spoke! He asked me to begin with #76 and these words jumped out at me “...When consolation is taken from you, do not become sluggish and disinterested in your usual tasks and occupations. Keep up your prayers and good works...” These words penetrated my heart with such love and force, chastising and convicting, but with such mercy so as not to crush a wounded reed. It was as though Our Lord’s arms opened and He drew me to His bosom. He was calling a sinner to repent! As I reflected day after day on these meditations each one held a loving instruction for this weak child of God. However, the one that literally picked me up and placed me back on track was # 86 with these words, “avoid...useless activities (distractions)...which prevent you from freely receiving the holy thoughts and good desires which I send you throughout the day.” It was as though a veil was lifted and I could clearly see that when I became more discontent was when I began being distracted by useless activities. While these activities may appear harmless, they serve no honourable purpose with regards to my eternal life. Since they were leading me away from Our Lord, they are therefore His enemies! I had to ask the question, What do I love more: myself, the world, or My Lord? It was suddenly obvious to me that my downward spiral began with a series of temptations that I had not fully recognized as such, and therefore, did not denounce immediately. Before I knew what was happening, I was so consumed by a flurry of thoughts and activities that I began to begrudge the time I used to give to Our Lord. My nature wanted to avoid prayer, while my soul cried out for it. However, Our Lord did not leave me in my misery. Through the gift of my spiritual director, our merciful Lord let me see His light break through my darkness. True happiness, peace and joy, lie in total union with God, not in anything this world has to offer. In God’s infinite mercy, He allowed me to fall into an area of weakness so I could recognize that it still remains undefeated. While I live in the world, I have been reminded that, for the love of God and for the sake of my poor soul, I must close myself daily in that interior room where He dwells, for therein lies my safety. From this sanctuary I can be on guard and able to recognize the subtle attacks of the evil one, who has seen my tendencies toward concupiscence. I must put on the armour of God ( Ephesians 6:14-17) and, above all, I must trust in Jesus! Brothers and sisters in Christ, let us pray for each other.
|